Module #17 Spotlight on Sociology and supplemental topics

This section in each model is a way to emphasize key ideas (often sociologically-related) that enrich and expand the material in the textbook and the Chapter Notes. The instructor will expand the topics occasionally to include specific contemporary and relevant information and insights.

Chapter 15 in the textbook discusses material related to successful aging, relationships and the elderly, and death.

This Spotlight draws attention to the following topics of separation and divorce, single parent families, remarriage and blended families.

Legal Separation vs. Divorce: What’s the Difference?

Marriages can take turns that push couples to consider a trial separation or even ending a marriage. Learning about the differences between these choices can help guide couples through a difficult time.

A legal separation is when a married couple decides to live separately, but remains legally married. A divorce is the legal dissolution of marriage — meaning the court terminates the marriage’s legal bond, determines child custody and support if needed, and divides the couple's assets and liabilities. Separations can also involve the court establishing agreements like custody.

Explore this guide to understand the critical differences between separation and divorce.

What is a legal separation?

A legal separation is when a married couple formally separates without filing for a divorce. Unlike a divorce, the couple remains legally married and can either reconcile or move forward with a divorce in the future.

The couple can still go court to establish legally binding agreements around property division, child custody and support, and other relevant items they want to divide during the separation. These, and other important matters, are outlined in their separation agreement.

Separation agreement

A separation agreement is a legal contract between spouses. It outlines the terms and responsibilities of their separation, much like what you would see in a divorce decree. Separation agreements can cover.¹

Division of marital property
Allocation of parental responsibilities
Child custody and allocation of time
Child support and spousal support

What are the differences between legal separation vs. divorce?

When choosing between legal separation or filing for a divorce, there are a few key differences to consider.

Insurance: When a couple legally separates, they often can still decide to keep the other person covered under their insurance plans. A divorce can lead to one partner losing coverage.
Marital status and taxes: Since a couple remains legally married during a separation, they can file taxes jointly or married filing separately depending on their agreement. If a couple decides to divorce, both parties would file their taxes as single.
Legal and medical decisions:Many states consider separated couples to be next of kin — meaning they can make legal and medical decisions, unless otherwise outlined in the separation agreement. When couples file for divorce, those decisions and connections may be severed.
Debts and liabilities: A legal separation specifies what debts will remain joint and what becomes an individual’s responsibility, including debts accumulated during the separation. The divorce processwill outline which debts belong to which partner and separate finances.
Property ownership:Property ownership is often left untouched during a legal separation. A divorce typically results in dividing property ownership.

Reasons to consider a legal separation over a divorce

When deciding between legal separation versus a divorce, there are a few reasons a couple may opt for one over the other.

Those who don’t feel ready to terminate the marriage — or their beliefs prevent them from obtaining a divorce — may file for a legal separation instead.² Also, some states require couples to live separately for a period of time before filing for a no-fault divorce.

Another reason couples may choose legal separation over divorce is to maintain insurance or financial benefits, like filing taxes together. Some insurance providers may have specific policies for separated individuals, so check with your provider first.

Often, couples will use a separation period to help them come to an agreement and prepare to file for an uncontested divorce. This can save them time in court, since both parties have already agreed on the terms of the divorce.

Before making your decision, it may be helpful to consult a divorce lawyer.

https://www.metlife.com/stories/legal/legal-separation-vs-divorce/

Transitioning Through Divorce: The Six Types of Divorce

By Mary K. Lawler

Divorce rates in the U.S. have dropped slightly over the past 15 years. For couples who married the first time in 2002, the probability of divorce is 20% within the first five years of marriage, 33% within 10 years, and 43% within 15 years. About two-thirds of remarriages in the U.S. end in divorce. One-half of all divorces involve children. Oklahoma’s divorce rate has been among the highest in the nation.

As you and your spouse join approximately one million couples in the U.S. who go through divorce each year, it may be a challenging period for you emotionally. This series, Transitioning Through Divorce, is not intended to encourage divorce but to help individuals who have made that choice to have a “good divorce”—where you maintain at least the same level of emotional well-being as before the divorce.
This fact sheet provides information regarding six different types of divorce. Each type will affect individuals in a different way. By learning about the processes, you may be able to move through each type of divorce more successfully.

The emotional divorce—the emotional separation and feelings associated with it.
You need to let go of your feelings about the marriage. You may feel that you and your partner have grown apart. You may be angry and disappointed. Often these feelings occur before the legal divorce is finalized. Some individuals have emotional issues for years after the legal divorce.
You and your spouse should decide the most effective way to handle household responsibilities. One partner may move out of the house, changing roles and responsibilities. You should discuss how to inform friends and family of the impending legal divorce.
The emotional divorce takes more work when children are involved. Children probably will be dealing with anger, sadness, fear, confusion, or rejection, and their feelings may make it more difficult for you to process your own emotions. The on-going relationships between your children and both of their parents also complicate the resolution of emotional issues.
The legal divorce—the lawful end of the marriage by court action.
The legal divorce marks the end of the marital relationship. It allows individuals the choice to remarry in the future. Although you may have feelings of helplessness, your attorney and the court system can help make decisions regarding your situation. Tell your lawyer if you want more control over these decisions. Professional mediation can be useful in resolving difficult issues and developing a co-parenting plan when children are involved.
The economic divorce—the division of money and property.
The division of assets can be difficult. Since two households are more expensive than one, you may have less money to cover expenses due to divorce. As a result, you may need to learn new financial skills. Set up a budget based on your current expenses and income. If needed, community resources can help you find employment opportunities. You also may be eligible for job training or educational assistance. Insurance (health and life) and retirement plans can become even more important after divorce.
The co-parental divorce—the negotiation of parenting following marital separation and establishment of the binuclear family.
You must learn how to continue your role as a parent while letting go of your spousal role. You cannot control the actions of your child’s other parent. However, your children will adjust better if you shield them from post-marital conflicts between you and the other parent.
The amount of time you spend with your children may change following divorce. You may feel overwhelmed if you have primary responsibility for their care. You may feel that you don’t have adequate time for yourself as an adult. On the other hand, you may feel lonely and out of touch if you spend less time with the child/children following divorce.

You can be successful as a parent in a binuclear family if you:
• Avoid criticizing the other parent in front of the children.
• Don’t use your child/children as messengers to the other parent.
• Schedule meetings in an open and neutral location where you can talk with the other parent about the child/children.
• Use mediation, if needed, to help you talk together.
• Don’t ask the child/children for information about the other parent.
• Don’t make your child/children your confidante(s). Seek out adult friends, family members, support groups, or counselors to fulfill this role.

5. The community divorce—the changes that occur in relationships with friends and the community.
As the divorce process continues you may receive less support from family and friends. You may feel as though fewer people are willing to help when you need them most. You may no longer feel comfortable around your married friends. The mutual friends that you and your former spouse shared prior to divorce may seem uncomfortable in your presence. They may not want to take sides.
You may feel nervous about starting to date again, especially if you haven’t dated for years. Support groups through your church, community, or work can help you establish new friendships. A divorce support group offers a setting where you can share your personal experiences with others. If you are not feeling good about yourself, consider seeking counseling to help build your self-esteem.

6. The psychological divorce—the process of mental separation and the development of your independence.
This is the “true” separation from the marital partner. At this point you learn to be self-supportive. You may develop insight as to the reasons why you decided to marry and divorce. Instead of spending time blaming another person for the divorce, you can spend your time adapting to the divorce as you learn about yourself and new ways to relate to others.

You know that you have adapted to divorce in a healthy manner if you:
•   Have accepted that the marriage is over.
•   Have let go of the anger.
•   Remember both the good and bad aspects of the marriage.
•   Have made peace with the other parent of your children and with yourself.
•   Are realistic about how you contributed to the divorce.
•   Have established a support network outside former marriage-related friendships.
•   Have developed future goals.
•   Have allowed yourself time to heal before beginning another relationship.
•   Are planning your life as a single person.

Summary

This publication describes the six types of divorce. Understanding each type of divorce will help you have a “good divorce.” Information on the grieving process, stages of divorce, and children and divorce can be found in the fact sheets listed below. Additional materials are available from the library, bookstore, and professionals.

https://extension.okstate.edu/fact-sheets/transitioning-through-divorce-the-six-types-of-divorce.html

The Single-Parent Family

Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff

A single parent is someone who is unmarried, widowed, or divorced and not remarried. The single-parent household can be headed by a mother, a father, a grandparent, an uncle, or aunt. According to the Pew Research Center, between 25 to 30 percent of children under age 18 in the U.S. live in a single-parent household. The U.S. Census reports that roughly 22 million children live with a single parent. And three times as many women, when compared with men, head these households.

On This Page

The Well-Being of Children in a Single-Parent Household
The Challenges of Single-Parent Families
Raising Kids as a Single Parent

The Well-Being of Children in a Single-Parent Household

Single parents should be reassured by the fact that a large number of studies find no differences between the children of single mothers and children from other types of households. One study looked into the lives of children from different kinds of households—two-parent biological, adoptive, step-father, step-mother, single-parent—and the type of household did not matter. Children’s grades, and their relationships with their siblings and their friends, were about the same across all households. In a survey of adolescents living in nine types of households, those who lived with parents who had always been single and who were being raised in multi-generational households reported the highest sense of well-being of all those surveyed.

Can children of single parents fare just as well as children of married couples?

In studies as well as many reports from children themselves, children are better off raised by a single parent as opposed to living with married parents who engage in constant conflict. Children raised by one divorced parent sometimes have better outcomes than children raised by a parent who is remarried. It is impossible to predict a child's outcome based on this one factor alone.

Are there positives for children raised by a single parent?

Yes. Every situation involves trade-offs, and they often go unrecognized at the time. In a common refrain, the grown child of a single, working mom reported that he was glad that his mom was busy all the time. His friends, by contrast, had moms who stayed at home. These parents were hyper-involved in their lives, including their schoolwork and schedules. This overbearing participation produced problems between parent and child.

Can a single parent become too close to their child?

Are children of single parents at risk for substance abuse?

Are children of single parents at risk for other serious problems?

The Challenges of Single-Parent Families

Children need a safe and reliable household to flourish. Of course, it is much harder for single-parents who live with financial hardship. The Bureau of Labor Statistics data show that nearly 11 million people are considered working poor. The definition of working poor is an individual who spends 27 weeks or more in the workforce, this person is working or looking for work, yet their income is below the poverty level. And according to the U.S. Census, single moms are one of the most disadvantaged groups—with nearly 30 percent living in poverty. Many of these single moms cannot provide for their families as they often have lower-paying jobs.

Will my worries about finances impede my parenting?

Being the sole parent of a household may mean you are the boss, free of quarrels over money and finance. That’s great, but according to research, it costs $234,000 to raise a child. This price tag impacts the high risk of financial hardship.

I am returning to work, but I’m worried about my kids.

This should not be a source of concern or guilt, even though it often is. Children of mothers who return to work while the children are infants and toddlers, fare the same behaviorally and academically compared with children whose mothers stay home. In one study, kids from single-parent families, whose mothers worked, had better academic scores and fewer behavioral problems than did children whose mothers did not work.

I don’t get to see my kids enough, will that affect my relationship with them?

How can I raise successful children as a single parent?

Raising Kids as a Single Parent

To raise thriving children, a single parent must juggle many aspects of life, the household, work demands, finances, among many other concerns. All parents face similar obstacles, but the challenge for a single-parent is greater.

Set house rules with your kids.
Give undivided attention to each child, even a daily 10-minute one-one conversation will help.
Set boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
Be consistent and fair, always.
Kids need schedules and routines (sounds boring, but it works).
Lower your expectations, and do away with any ideas of perfection.
Lose your sense of guilt, victimhood, and martyrdom.
Ignore judgmental people.
You need support through good childcare, friends, family, neighbors.
If possible, get along with your ex. (To do so, you need to get over yourself.)
Apply self-care daily, eat right, exercise, sleep, meditate. (If you do not have time, make the time.)
If you need therapy, a good family therapist will help.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/family-dynamics/single-parent-family

Solve the 4 Biggest Problems Blended Families Face

Creating a successful blended family is possible with time and attention

By Amy Morin, LCSW

Bottom of Form

Many remarriages create blended families. The children involved are thrust into a world of “steps”—stepmothers, stepfathers, step-siblings, step-grandparents. As of 2019, more than 3.9 million children lived in a household with a stepparent in the United States.¹ Once a rarity in American culture, 7% of kids now live in blended families.²

Of course, becoming a stepfamily isn't always easy. Bringing two families together under one roof can be quite challenging. Even for the most prepared, growing pains will likely occur when two families merge.

Don’t expect your families to meld together overnight. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, it can take one to two years for blended families to adjust to the changes.³ But parents who are proactive in reducing and addressing potential problems can make the adjustment period smoother. Learn more about how to create a successful blended family and solve common problems some blended families experience.

1

Sibling Rivalry

The issue: It’s hard enough for a child to compete with siblings in a nuclear family. When it’s step-siblings that they’re not entirely comfortable with yet, the problem can magnify. For a child who hasn’t had to share a parent in a long time, that adjustment period might be a little bit longer.

How to solve it: First, talk to your spouse so you’re on the same page about sibling rivalry. Nothing will work if one of you blames the other person’s child for causing the rift. If you have different disciplinary styles, you're also likely to encounter problems.

Consequences and rewards need to be the same for all the children, no matter how it used to work before you two got married.

Next, remember that in some way, your kids may be more like strangers than siblings. So don’t expect everyone to be one big happy family in the beginning. It will take a while to get to that point.

If there was a change-up in birth order—that is, one child who was previously the oldest is now stuck in the middle—acknowledge the resentment that could cause. The previously eldest child probably felt like they had a little bit of power that’s now been taken away from them, while the former baby of the house might feel like they've lost the attention they once had.

Avoid placing labels on your kids as well. Even positive labels like, “She’s the musician in our family,” and “He’s our star athlete,” can increase tension among family members. Point out that everyone has many skills and talents and it’s healthy to keep exploring new areas of interest.

2

Kids' Need for Attention

The issue: When the number of children increases, as it frequently does in blended families, one or all the children might feel like they’re not getting the attention that they’re used to.

Additionally, blended families sometimes have less time and money for each child’s extracurricular activities or for family outings because of the increase in family size.

How to solve it: As with so many other issues, this problem can be resolved—to the best of your ability, anyway—by working together as a family. Create a set schedule that everyone has weighed in on, with each child choosing an activity within a certain budget throughout the month.

Additionally, both adults should attend each child’s activities, such as sporting games, plays, or concerts, so it doesn’t feel like any child is being favored over another.

Give each child individual attention as well. Whether you play a quick game together for 10 minutes every day or you schedule a once-a-month one-on-one outing, giving all the kids plenty of positive attention can strengthen your bond.

3

Stepparent Discipline

The issue: Whereas once a parent’s significant other was someone to have fun with, now they're an authority figure—and that might cause a few problems in the household.

How to solve it: A family meeting is in order, but first sit down with your partner to determine your household rules. Take notes and write down your rules and the consequences for breaking those rules.

If you both have children already, there’s a good chance you have somewhat different rules. So it’s important to come together to create the same rules for everyone so that you don’t live like two separate families under one roof.

Identify how you’re going to discipline and what type of consequences you're going to use. It’s imperative that the two of you present a united front on disciplinary issues. Sometimes, one parent wants to be the “fun one.” At other times, one parent hopes the new stepparent can lay down the law and get things on track fast.

Coming together as a blended family means both parents need to work together as a team.

Remember, kids quickly learn who the “easy target” is when it comes to getting their way, and they can grow to be masters of manipulation to pit one adult against another.

How to Hold a Successful Family Meeting

Next, call everyone to the table. Take out those notes that you jotted down, and go over them as a family.

Your young ones might have some thoughts that they want to contribute, and having it all written down means that everyone will know exactly what the household rules are, as well as the consequences for breaking those rules.

Explain to the children that, in your house, both adults can enforce consequences to any of the children, and it’s expected that the children will obey the stepparent as they would any other authority figure.

With all of that said, it’s important for stepparents to focus more on building a bond rather than disciplining the children initially. Without a healthy relationship, discipline won’t work. This is especially true with adolescents.⁴

Why Your Child is Not Listening to You

4

Lack of Family Bonds

The issue: You and your new spouse want to feel like one unit that can have fun, share, and rely on each other. But he kids aren’t entirely comfortable with each other or with their new stepparent. It feels like you’re still acting as two families that just happen to live in the same house.

How to solve it: You can’t forge a bond overnight. It will take to time gain shared history, figure out new relationships, and adapt to the new normal.

Start the process slowly by beginning new traditions as a family. They might be reading a book together every night in the big bed in the primary bedroom or taking a family walk around the neighborhood every Sunday morning before breakfast.

You can also smooth the transition of going from house to house, a process that might happen regularly if you or your spouse have joint custody. For example, you could stop for ice cream or a quick visit to the playground every time you pick up the kids from the other parent’s house. This little tradition signals to the kids that it’s time to move into a different routine, but in a fun manner.

It’s also important to give kids time to grieve. While a new marriage can be happy, it also signals the end of the previous family dynamics. And that can be tough for kids who are still struggling to deal with the fact that their parents are no longer together or that their time of being an only child with heaps of attention has come to an end.

https://www.verywellfamily.com/biggest-problems-blended-families-face-4150230