Module #16 Spotlight on Sociology and supplemental topics

This section in each model is a way to emphasize key ideas (often sociologically-related) that enrich and expand the material in the textbook and the Chapter Notes. The instructor will expand the topics occasionally to include specific contemporary and relevant information and insights.

Chapter 14 in the textbook discusses material related to divorce and remarriage citing both macro and micro factors contributing to divorce, as well as attention given to children of divorce, and stepfamilies.

This Spotlight draws attention to the following topics of financial challenges in marriage, stress and crisis, in addition to intimate violence and abuse.

MONEY MATTERS IN MARRIAGE: UNDERSTANDING THE ROOT CAUSES OF FINANCIAL CONFLICT

| Meghan Freed

Money matters are often a source of tension in marriages. It’s not uncommon for spouses to argue about money, and it’s an issue that can be difficult to resolve. As divorce attorneys, we work with numerous clients whose marital problems stemmed from their money issues — so we understand a lot about the most common financial disagreements that cause marital conflict. That said, understanding the root of financial conflict can help couples overcome the challenges that arise when it comes to money matters. In this article, we will explore the common causes of financial conflict in marriages and offer practical tips on preventing and resolving them.

Off we go!

THE IMPACT OF FINANCIAL CONFLICTS IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Financial conflict can have a profound impact on marriages. It can lead to stress, tension, and anxiety, which can affect the overall well-being of the relationship. Financial disagreements can cause partners to resent and be angry toward each other, creating a sense of mistrust and insecurity. Over time, financial conflict can erode the foundation of a relationship and ultimately lead to its breakdown.

The impact of financial conflict is not limited to the relationship itself. It can also affect other areas of life, such as work, health, and social life. Financial stress can cause partners to be distracted and less productive at work, leading to lower job performance and income. It can also lead to physical and mental health problems like depression, anxiety, and insomnia. Moreover, financial conflict can affect social life by limiting the ability to participate in social activities, travel, and other leisure activities.

In summary, financial conflict can significantly impact marriages, affecting both the relationship and other areas of life. Understanding the root causes of financial conflict is essential to prevent and resolve it effectively.

Read: How To Resolve Conflict in Your Marriage

UNDERSTANDING THE ROOT CAUSES OF FINANCIAL CONFLICT

Financial conflict can arise from various sources, and it’s essential to understand the root causes to address it effectively. Here are some of the common causes of financial conflict in marriages:

DIFFERENT ATTITUDES TOWARDS MONEY AND HOW THEY AFFECT MARRIAGES

Different attitudes towards money can be a significant source of financial conflict in marriages. Spouses may have different spending habits, saving goals, and financial priorities. For example, one partner may prioritize saving for retirement, while the other may prioritize spending on leisure activities. These differences in attitudes can lead to disagreements and tension in the relationship.

Moreover, partners may have different beliefs about the value of money, which can create conflict. For example, one partner may believe that money is a tool for achieving happiness and security, while the other may believe that money is the root of all evil. These differences in beliefs can lead to misunderstandings and disagreements about how to manage money in the relationship.

COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWNS AND THEIR ROLE IN FINANCIAL CONFLICT

Communication breakdowns can also contribute to financial conflict in marriages. Partners may avoid discussing money matters, leading to misunderstandings and assumptions. Moreover, partners may not be transparent about their financial situation, leading to mistrust and resentment. Communication breakdowns can also lead to disagreements about financial decisions, such as how to spend money or how to manage debts.

For more: 10 Ways to Improve Communication in Your Marriage and Strengthen Your Relationship

THE ROLE OF PAST EXPERIENCES AND CHILDHOOD IN SHAPING ATTITUDES TOWARDS MONEY

Past experiences and childhood can also play a role in shaping attitudes toward money. It doesn’t mean either spouse is wrong; it just means they are different. For example, partners who grew up in poverty may have a scarcity mindset, making them cautious about spending money. On the other hand, partners who grew up in affluent households may be more comfortable spending or incurring debt. These differences in attitudes can lead to financial conflict in marriages.

Understanding the root causes of financial conflict is essential to prevent and resolve it effectively. Read on for some practical tips for managing finances as a couple.

WAYS TO RESOLVE FINANCIAL CONFLICT IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Financial conflict can be challenging to resolve, but it’s not impossible. Here are some practical tips for resolving financial conflict in marriages:

IMPORTANCE OF SETTING FINANCIAL GOALS TOGETHER AS A COUPLE

Setting financial goals together is crucial in resolving financial conflict in marriages. Spouses should discuss their financial priorities and work towards achieving common goals. For example, partners may prioritize saving for a down payment on a house or paying off debts. Setting financial goals together can help you stay focused and motivated, and it can also reduce the likelihood of financial conflict.

TIPS FOR MANAGING FINANCES AS A COUPLE

Managing finances as a couple can be challenging, but there are some tips that can help. Here are some practical tips for managing finances together:

Create a budget:Spouses should create a budget together (and stick to it). A budget can help partners track their expenses, identify areas where they can cut costs, and stay on top of their financial situation. It also helps them make a plan that incorporates both of their priorities.
Be transparent:Partners should be transparent about their financial situation and share financial information regularly. Transparency can help build trust and avoid misunderstandings and assumptions.
Discuss financial decisions:Partners should discuss financial decisions together and reach a consensus before making any major decisions. This can help avoid disagreements and ensure that both partners are on the same page.
Seek professional help:If financial conflict persists, partners should consider seeking professional help from a financial advisor or a counselor. For example, A financial advisor can provide guidance on managing finances effectively, while a counselor can help partners resolve underlying issues that contribute to financial conflict. If you’re interested in working with someone, let us know. We are happy to provide a referral to someone our clients have had success working with in the past.

Basically, managing finances as a couple requires transparency, communication, and a shared commitment to achieving common goals.

https://freedmarcroft.com/money-matters-in-marriage-understanding-the-root-causes-of-financial-conflict/

Strategies to cope with family stress

Holly Tiret and Sean Knurek, Michigan State University Extension

Stress is a normal part of life. We all encounter stress in a variety of different situations, forms and amounts. What causes stress for one person may seem like no big deal to someone else.

Stress can come from seemingly small events like heavy traffic or a long line at the store, or it can be a result of a crisis event, like the loss of a job, a death in the family, a pandemic such as that caused by the novel coronavirus, the virus that causes the infectious disease COVID-19, or the catastrophic flooding experienced in mid-Michigan.

The most important thing to do is to recognize, accept and manage your stress to avoid negative physical and emotional consequences. Stress that is not managed can manifest into chronic stress. Chronic stress has been shown to suppress your immune system, increase blood pressure and blood sugar levels and exacerbate underlying conditions like anxiety and depression.

Figuring out what stress management tools work best for you can be a process. While there is no perfect way to manage stress, here are some tips that may work for you and your family:

Know your own stress cues. For example, when you’re stressed, do you become forgetful, short tempered, clumsy or something else? Think about what gets your attention the most. Observe your kids and other family members for signs of stress and ask them to do the same for you. Sometimes other people notice our stress cues before we do.
Take time to do something that is meaningful, relaxing and fun to you and your family. Read a book, sit on the porch and enjoy the scenery, enjoy coffee with a friend, or have a family movie or game night.
Practice deep breathing or mindfulness. When you start to become anxious and extremely stressed, try sitting and breathing for a minute or so. It helps if you actually say in your mind, “I am breathing in, and I am breathing out.” It may sound silly, but it keeps your mind focused on something you can control: your breath. It helps to quiet your mind and help you relax. Teach kids how to use their breath to calm down. Incorporate family breathing breaks throughout your daily routines. The more you practice this when you are not stressed, the easier it is to tap into when you need it the most.
Get enough sleep. Most health experts recognize that individuals who get at least 8 hours of sleep are less stressed, less sad and can manage anger Try an afternoon nap to supplement your sleep needs, if possible. Some people find that even a 15-minute “cat nap” can feel very refreshing. Just try not to sleep the afternoon away so you can still fall asleep at night. Make sure you are keeping a healthy sleep schedule for your kids too.
Accept your emotions and feelings. It is OK to feel sad, anxious, angry or stressed. Noticing these emotions and naming them can help us be compassionate towards ourselves. Console yourself like you would your best friend: “Wow, I am sorry to hear you are feeling stressed/anxious. I am here for you. Need a hug?” You can help your children accept their stressed or anxious emotions if you recognize and name them and follow up with a hug.
Consider the emotional needs of your family members. Our priorities may shift suddenly in a crisis. Make sure you understand and honor the needs of family members or other household residents during the recovery process. According to North Dakota State University Extension, it is important for adults to model appropriate emotional responses for children, as maintaining balance and calm will help them to navigate through their own emotions.
Conserve your energy for things you can control. There are countless things that happen of which we have no control. Instead of spending energy on what if scenarios, devote your energy to tasks and actions that you can complete to begin the process of restoration, healing or returning to normal.
Develop or use your support system. Your support system consists of the people who may or can fill different roles in your life. Use your support system to talk about your feelings and help you. If you are limited from in-person socializing, reach out to people on social media, text messaging, email or video calls to help you feel more connected to your support network. You may be helping them feel more connected as well.
Laughter is the best medicine. Humor and laughter are great stress relievers and promote well-being. Find some family-friendly comedies. Have a family joke-telling contest.
Focus on your health and the health of others in your family. Often during stressful times, individuals will turn to alcohol and drugs as a coping mechanism. These behaviors can lead to more stress and anxiety afterwards. Instead, concentrate on healthy habits, such as eating more fruits and vegetables and drinking more water. Try to fit in at least 30 minutes of physical activity a day. You can do this by taking a walk around the house or neighborhood or putting on some music and dancing. You could even have a family dance contest where each person teaches the others a new dance move.
Get professional help. If you are feeling overwhelmed, seek assistance from an outside source such as your primary care provider or a mental health professional. Mental Health America is a great resource for information on self-help tools and mental health screenings.

https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/strategies_to_cope_with_family_stress

SURVIVING A FAMILY CRISIS

A family crisis occurs when a family has to change. It is a turning point: things will either get better, or they will get worse. Sometimes, day-to-day hassles can pile up and cause a stress overload.

Other events can cause a family crisis:

A "bolt from the blue" — something unexpected—can suddenly hit your family. Someone may die, your home burns, you lose your job, you win the lottery.

These changes can be difficult for families because they require the family to deal with many changes. If someone dies, others may have to “fill their shoes” while also dealing with the loss. If you win the lottery you have to deal with how to spend the money and this can cause family conflict.
Families can adapt well to these crises by supporting one another and being flexible enough to make needed changes.

A developmental crisis occurs when people get married, have children, have a child start school, have a teen going through puberty, have a child leaving home, have parents retiring, aging, and/or dying. Some of these changes are subtle and gradual; others are abrupt and dramatic.

These crises are often viewed as “normal events”—and thus you may not be aware of the stress on your family. Adapting to the leaving or adding of a family member or the changes that occur as children and adults grow and age can be very difficult for families.
These “normal” developments can cause stress because they challenge us to rearrange ourfamilies.
To adjust to a developmental crisis, families often need to adjust family rules and roles to meet the new abilities of family members.
Every family must change as their youngster approaches puberty. To become mature adults, teens must gradually get more practice in making decisions.

A structural crisis occurs when the family resists changing to meet the demands of a developmental or “out of the blue” crisis.

Being unable to change can aggravate existing conflict and can lead to many actions that harm you or other family members. Examples include cheating on one’s partner, feeling suicidal, drinking too much (alcoholism), physical and sexual abuse, drug use and divorce.
These behaviors are often symptoms of the family’s inability to adapt to change and to solve problems.
The family may become so disorganized it is unable to overcome the crisis. When behaviors such as these occur, families often benefit from outside professional help.

A family crisis is naturally stressful. A crisis demands some sort of change in the family, and this change is stressful. Families immobilized by stress often:

lack cohesiveness and closeness among members.
lack positive conflict-management skills.
fight over "who is right."
lack time and positive interaction between the parents.
lack family activities and quality time together.
experience stressed-out symptoms—including sleeplessness, lack of appetite, disorientation, memory lapses, depression and anxiety.
Talk openly and honestly. Poorly functioning families may not talk, may keep secrets, or have many topics they cannot or will not discuss with each other.
Develop a strong social network by participating in community organizations, accepting help and supporting others.

If you can't get "unstuck," seek professional help. Do you want to live the rest of your life this way? If not, can you develop a workable plan to "make things better?" If not, get help from a reputable family service agency in your area.

Kids Feel Stress Too

When a family is experiencing a crisis, all its members are affected—including the children. Sometimes adults believe that kids do not really feel stress, but they do. Some signs that your child may be stressed are:

misbehaving more than usual
more quiet than usual
school problems, such as fighting or not paying attention
having trouble sleeping
worry and concern about the family problem

Children need help to deal with the stress they feel.

Talk with your child about the family problem, in words she can understand.
Let your child know he does not need to worry about “adult problems,” such as money. Be clear that some problems are not his to worry about.
Teach your child to relax when she is feeling stressed. Have her listen to some music, breathe deeply, perhaps release her tensions physically through playing outside or just laughing with you.
Give words to your child’s feelings. Sometimes children do not know they are stressed. “I heard you had another fight in school today. I am wondering if you are worried about my losing my job?”
Listen when your child talks about his concerns. Give him your full attention and listen for what he is feeling as well as disagree about family goals and how to reach them.
Spend some fun time with your child. This will help reduce her stress as well as yours.

Researchers suggest these guidelines for families adapting to change:

Accept the hardship. Well-functioning families quickly accept the hardship and use their energy and resources to meet the challenge. Recognize that tears can be good medicine for many people. Recognize and mourn your loss. Then, figure out your options for moving ahead.

Don't blame each other.

Poorly functioning families try to attach the blame to someone inside or outside the family. Healthy families see the crisis as a family-centered problem. They work together to correct or change the problem.

Be patient.

Well-functioning families recognize the need for peace-making, patience and consideration. Poorly functioning families quickly respond with anger.

Be good stress managers.

Practice a healthy lifestyle and plan well deserved relaxation times.

Try to gain control over whatever part of life you can. Flood victims are encouraged to seek this control, even if it means putting their remaining possessions in storage, or buying a hot-plate on which to cook.
Remain optimistic, striving to see the brighter side, without denying reality.
Help each family member have high self-esteem and help them be self -reliant. Praise each other often and encourage the strengths of each person.
Give daily reminders of your love and appreciation. Healthy families are clear and direct about feelings, particularly expressions of commitment, affection and praise.
Do things together as a family. Go on family outings, plan fun time at home, hold family meetings, play together and go to church together.

https://www.udel.edu/canr/cooperative-extension/fact-sheets/surviving-family-crisis/

TYPES OF ABUSE

Intimate partner violence can occur in many different forms.

Regardless of whether it is physical, emotional or takes some other form, abuse often follows an escalating pattern in which the controlling behaviors worsen over time.

The abusive partner may use oppression systems already set in our society to assert his or her priviledges against the other person.

PHYSICAL ABUSE

Perhaps the most recognized form, physical abuse may include behaviors such as:

Hitting, slapping, punching, kicking
Burning
Strangulation
Damaging personal property
Refusing medical care and/or controlling medication
Coercing partner into substance abuse
Use of weapons

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Emotional abuse occurs when an intimate partner seeks to control his/her loved one by:

Name calling, insulting
Blaming the partner for everything
Extreme jealousy
Intimidation
Shaming, humiliating
Isolation
Controlling what the partner does and where the partner goes
Stalking

SEXUAL ABUSE

Sexual abuse is not about sex. It is about power, and includes any sexual behavior performed without a partner’s consent. Examples include:

Forcing a partner to have sex with other people (human trafficking)
Pursuing sexual activity when the victim is not fully conscious or is afraid to say no
Hurting partner physically during sex
Coercing partner to have sex without protection / sabotaging birth control

TECHNOLOGICAL ABUSE

This form of abuse includes the use of technology to control and stalk a partner. Technological abuse can happen to people of all ages, but it is more common among teenagers who use technology and social media in interact in a manner often unmonitored by adults. Examples include:

Hacking into a partner’s email and personal accounts
Using tracking devices in a partner’s cell phone to monitor their location, phone calls and messages
Monitoring interactions via social media
Demanding to know partner’s passwords

Click here to learn how to protect yourself from technological abuse (provided by the National Network to End Domestic Violence).

FINANCIAL ABUSE

Any behavior that maintains power and control over finances constitutes financial abuse. Examples include causing a partner to lose their job through direct and indirect means, such as:

Inflicting physical harm or injury that would prevent the person from attending work
Harassing partner at their workplace
Controlling financial assets and effectively putting partner on an allowance
Damaging a partner’s credit score

ABUSE BY IMMIGRATION STATUS

There are specific tactics of abuse that may be used against immigrant partners, including:

Destroying immigration papers
Restricting partner from learning English
Threatening to hurt partner’s family in their home country
Threatening to have partner deported

It is important to remember that in the U.S. undocumented immigrants have rights and protections, and that in the case of an emergency, contacting the police should be a priority.

https://www.womenagainstabuse.org/education-resources/learn-about-abuse/types-of-domestic-violence