I don’t know how you respond to Anne Sexton’s line, “I am not what I expected.” But whatever it may mean to you, I hope you will recall the reminders of a few others with poetic hearts. Walt Whitman wrote, “Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.” May his words remind us that we are complicated beings, filled with contradictions and complexity. The evolving composition of an unfolding life is a mix of heredity, experiences (positive and negative), emotions, intellect, beliefs, attitudes, behaviors, and a lifetime of interactions.

We are not either/or beings. We are both/and. We are not holy good or wholly bad. We are simply un-simple whole beings. We are a continuum of contrasts: strong and weak; courageous and cowardly; known and unknown. If the question of our lives is multiple choice, we are “all of the above.” We “contain multitudes.” If someone suggests we are simple beings, they are simply wrong. Let us not be surprised that we are not what we expected.

And from another writer, may we be encouraged to not dismiss, deny, or degrade the parts of us that we believe are not the best parts of us. Parker Palmer is an educator of educators. He is an author, poet, philosopher, and honest human being. In his commencement address at Naropa University a few years ago, he challenged the graduates with these words:

“Take everything that’s bright and beautiful in you and introduce it to the shadow side of yourself. Let your altruism meet your egotism, let your generosity meet your greed, let your joy meet your grief. Everyone has a shadow… But when you are able to say, ‘I am all of the above, my shadow as well as my light,’ the shadow’s power is put in service of the good. Wholeness is the goal, but wholeness does not mean perfection, it means embracing brokenness as an integral part of your life. As a person who has made three deep dives into depression along the way, I do not speak lightly of this. I simply know that it is true. As you acknowledge and embrace all that you are, you give yourself a gift that will benefit the rest of us as well.”

Bayo Akomolafe, Nigerian-born author and lecturer, adds to Parker Palmer’s insights with the reminder that “things grow in dark places, seeds tremble and crack open in the dark of the soil; babies grow in the darkness of the womb; photographs need darkrooms to properly develop… Turn toward the smoldering darkness whence you came, and thank her for shaping you, for scaring you, for wounding you, and defeating you, and shaking you, because in her womb you were thoroughly purged, and made fresh for new glimpses of wonder. And as you walk farther into the domineering light, the dark will bless you with a gift to remind you that you are not as contained or as limited as you think, that there is more to you than what meets the educated eye.”

“I am not what I expected.” Whatever you choose to do with the whole truth and nothing but the truth about who you are, remember this: roses have thorns, but they are still roses. They still bring fragrant aroma and breath-taking beauty to the world…as do you.